Coffee Break's Over

I think, given the Japanese alchemy that transformed the item in this picture from "Amanda's car" into "Amanda's igloo" over the course of a standard work day, it's safe to say that fall is over and winter has come at last to Honjo. This, admittedly, is not an occurrence I can honestly say I greet with joy, for a variety of reasons. As one of my mother's favorite jokes ends, "Coffee break's over, everyone back on your heads." The arrival of winter here in Akita definitely (despite its tranquil beauty and capacity to elicit almost childlike delight) certainly carries with it a modicum of the "coffee break's over" sentiment.

To start with, those of you who don't live here are probably unaware of this fact, but few if any Japanese homes are equipped with central heating or insulation. This translates to a whole lot of freezing-my-tush-off once the temperature goes below about 60 Fahrenheit. Furthermore, I am not now, nor have I ever been, a huge fan of scraping snow off of cars or shoveling out parking spaces. I see an abundance of both in my future. At any rate, enough whining about the weather. Hopefully I'll at least get to enjoy some good time at the ski-jo when I return from America with my equipment.

**ANNOUNCEMENT!!** For those who missed it, I will be visiting my hometown of Seattle from December 24th to January 2nd. If you want to see me please get in touch so we can lock something down!

Moving on from weather and travel nonsense. Today, I found myself further in the debt of the ever-wonderful Miss Ayako Sasaki. I was seriously stressing because Yashima Elementary (my least favorite school, if you'll recall from earlier posts/complaining...) wanted me to spend ten minutes each in three different classes talking about what Americans do for Christmas. There are two issues here. One, none of them speak any English worth mentioning, so anything I said would be a waste of air. Second, my Japanese (and more importantly my confidence in my Japanese) is nowhere near good enough to really explain Christmas. I have a serious aversion to promoting and enforcing stereotypes in Japan - though sometimes, it's the only route to take (see previous post regarding who my favorite singers are when I am on school premises...). But I have a much bigger issue selling the old tried-and-true expected explanation of Christmas. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth, as if I had just confirmed that black people only eat fried chicken and grits. I feel a strong desire to explain that not all Americans celebrate Christmas - some celebrate other holidays, like Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, and some celebrate nothing at all - and that among those who do celebrate, there are many different traditions.

I was getting pretty distressed at the idea of having no choice but to affirm Japanese stereotypes and pre-assumptions about American holidays, when Miss Sasaki flew to my rescue. Like the angel that she is, upon seeing my distress and asking me to explain the reason, she made a suggestion.

"How about you write down what you want to say, and I will translate it into Japanese so the homeroom teacher can explain to the children?"

God bless you, Ayako-sensei.

As a result of her generosity, I will now be able to explain at least to some extent the diversity of the holiday season in America to Yashima Elementary. How well it will go over and/or stick remains to be seen...but at least I won't go home feeling as if I've just been a willing participant in a minstrel show.

Hilarious sidenotes:

1) In my explanation of American Christmas, I did address the many people who celebrate a different holiday (Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc) and those who celebrate nothing at all. This produced shock and confusion in my Japanese coworkers, including the question "What is a Jewish?"
2) I described some classic Christmas traditions, including leaving milk and cookies out for Santa. Apparently, none of my coworkers have ever heard of this. They were all extremely puzzled. One of them asked me if Santa did not eat meat because all we fed him was cookies - evidently milk and cookies = vegetarian.
3) I described hanging stockings. One flabbergasted Japanese coworker asked me in shock, "So you put your socks on the stove?!?!"
4) I explained that my family does not do much to celebrate Christmas. My coworkers reacted with consternation and confusion. They were also surprised that most people in the US consider Christmas a time to visit family - apparently in Japan, Christmas is closer in spirit to Valentine's Day...as in, a holiday for lovers. Eek.

Clearly, one cannot make any assumptions regarding cross-cultural understanding. Of course, I am equally guilty; I have had enough preconceptions shattered here to know that my notions about Japan were nearly as misguided as Japanese preconceptions about America are.

As a wise man (Wayne Moyer!) once told me in a different context, "Where you stand depends on where you sit." Sitting here in Japan has certainly changed where I stand on many issues, including gender roles, sexual politics, religion, manners, and multiculturalism or diversity.

Stand where you may, forget not that others may sit elsewhere. Amen.

Rant, Cont'd.

Ok. So, last night's update in fact glossed over several other (equally hilarious, albeit unintentionally hugely offensive) episodes that I have endured of late. These include glorious moments such as the following conversation with one of my JTEs.

JTE: Have you eaten yakiniku?
Me: Yes. I like it a lot.
JTE: Ah. Where have you eaten?
Me: You mean where in Japan?
JTE: So.
Me: Well I haven't eaten yakiniku in Japan.
JTE: Ah. So you have never tried yakiniku.
Me: No I've had it, just not in Akita.
JTE: Right. So you have not tried.
Me: Have you ever heard of frikking Benihana?!?!

The total disconnect here was the notion that one might possibly live in a country that is NOT Japan in which one might be able to consume Japanese foods. My school staffers were amazed to hear that in the average American supermarket you can buy rice and soy sauce. Blew their minds. I felt it unnecessary to further shock their systems by explaining that many American user manuals, signs, guidebooks, menus, etc are available in Japanese, sushi and sashimi are popular, and we DO know what miso soup, gyoza, ramen, udon, soba, yakiniku and mochi are in the US. I was afraid I was the only one whose head wouldn't spontaneously explode, which would mean I'd get stuck cleaning Japanese brains off the teachers' room walls. Let's just say there's a reason that if you have any Japanese friends and you tell them you know an American girl who lives in Akita, their facial expression will probably move in this progression: shock, pity, and politely composed lemonade-making of the lemon most people consider life in Akita to be. (I actually sort of like it here, weird and alien and isolated as it is. But people's comments about "Wow. There are old people, trees and rice paddies there. Pack a coat." aren't too far off the mark to be honest.)

This is why, despite my annoyances with the place, I don't think Japanese people are racist. (One small amendment there; I think they ARE racist towards other Asians, ESPECIALLY Koreans and Southeast Asians. But not non-ethnically-Asian people.) When it comes to non-Asian people, Japanese people don't even really have "negative" or "hateful" or "condescending" attitudes. There's simply a short-circuit. Japan, for example, really doesn't have American or Mexican or Indian food readily available - as a consequence, Japanese people tend to assume that Americans only have access to American food (which, as far as they can tell from their media - remember American media sells us some pretty absurd international stereotypes, too - is hamburgers and french fries). Logical enough; in their country, they mostly only have their own ethnic cuisine...so the notion that Americans eat only McDonald's is a reasonable inference. McDonald's is American, they know McDonald's, so it follows that Americans, living in America, must eat McDonald's. And since most international food doesn't exist here, and many Japanese people (at least in Akita) have limited if any exposure to the world outside Japan, they extrapolate from their own situations and assume that other countries don't eat Japanese food, just like Japanese don't eat other countries' food particularly.

This is cold comfort in that it makes the assumptions understandable, not less annoying.

Similarly, the Japanese shock and horror that I don't know their celebrities, TV shows, idols, bands and comedians by name and face is aggravating. When I was first introduced, kids would ask me what singers or TV shows I liked. Originally I was truthful...a tactic that, as my friend Tom recently commiserated, elicited mostly blank stares and disappointment. Scrubs, Jeopardy!, Top Chef and Entourage, apparently, are not big here. Much easier to lie and say you love friggin' SpongeBob Squarepants...Similarly, don't say you like Green Day, Pearl Jam, Jimmi Hendrix or Sweatshop Union. My favorite singers, for convenience purposes and only on school premises, are Madonna, Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. And yet, somehow, despite the fact that THEY know none of MY pop culture idols, icons and standbys...they, including my JTEs, never cease to be amazed and/or horrified by my lack of knowledge of Japanese celebrities and pop culture.

Hello people. This should not be a mystery. DO I LOOK JAPANESE?!?!

Sofia Coppola had the right idea but failed to express it in its full depth and spectrum....

Sometimes I feel like my whole life is lost in translation.

After Almost Half a Year...Time for a Rant.

This is hatahata, a specialty fish and popular early winter food in Akita. The roe has a similar consistency to natto. This is a great item when playing feed-the-foreigner. Made an unwelcome appearance in my life two nights in a row. Thank you Japanese friends, I love your pranks.

After having been here nearly half a year (which some days seems like it has passed in the blink of an eye, and other days feels like an eternity) during which I have scrupulously not lost my temper, I feel it is time to release some pent-up frustration about certain aspects of life in Japan. Disclaimer: On the whole I am quite happy here. Frustrations frequently distill to individuals, circumstances or miscommunications, frequently with good intent. Venting about them is in no way intended as an indictment of Japan, Japanese people, or even the specific person who may be involved in a given incident.

Disclaimer aside, some of these things are absolutely monumentally annoying and frustrating, all high aspirations of cultural exchange be damned. (This is by no means a comprehensive list of frustrations or annoyances; recently I've simply encountered a spate of them that merited at least a digital venting session, if not a few laughs...)

To begin, a short narrative. I was out at an enkai (work drinking party) with a select subset of my colleagues from one school, and an old friend of theirs who used to teach at my school but now teaches in another town (whom I had never met). It was a fun evening, but eventually, the new guy started chatting me up. He asked me about my feelings towards Japanese food and dining in Akita. The conversation proceeded something as follows.

Japanese Man: Have you eaten at many restaurants in Akita Prefecture?

Amanda: Some. I don't eat out much, though, since I live alone. Eating at restaurants is less fun alone.

JM: Ah. I see. But I know what your favorite restaurant in Akita is.

A: *eyebrow raise* Oh? (thinking to self: is there one I've been to an inordinate amount?! I don't eat out that often...)

JM: *triumphantly* McDonald's!!!

A: *stare*

A: I haven't eaten at McDonald's since I came to Japan.

JM: Oh. KFC then.

A: Uh....No, I haven't eaten there either.

*long pause*

JM: *critical stare* Are you really American?!?!

Right. Ok. I have eaten neither KFC nor McDonald's since my arrival here in July. Given that everyone in this area, for several towns around, apparently tracks my every move (down to a random sushi restaurant owner two towns over knowing which convenience store I stop at on the way to work to buy breakfast when I'm running late, and that breakfast is usually two onigiri (rice balls) and I only ever buy salted salmon or shrimp and mayo....) and knows me by my height, body type and distinctive ponytail...I infer everyone knows there hasn't been a single KFC or McDonald's related sighting of Amanda-sensei. This means only one thing; even if nobody caught me doing it, not even the employees, being American, I must by definition be eating KFC and McDonald's, because that is what Americans eat. Oh stereotypes, thank you so.

Besides, McDonald's looks like Le Bernadin compared to this nightmare they served me at that enkai:

This is shirako. That translates as "fish testicles filled with sperm/semen". I couldn't bring myself to eat it. My table neighbor, however, in his enthusiasm, was stirring it excitedly to eat it, and splattered it on my pants. I got spooged on by a fish. A dead fish. Thank you, Japan, for bringing necrophilia and bestiality into perfect harmony in a single meal.

Next up: at work. One of my JTEs and I are chatting. She then, quite nonchalantly, asks me to describe to her in details what Americans do in church for Christmas.

...

In addition to making me a hamburger-and-crispy-chicken-family-basket-snarfing lardass, apparently being American also means I must, necessarily, attend church. Especially for my religiously significant holidays like Christmas. Despite numerous explanations, including explaining the Latin roots of "theos" and "a-" for "atheist", somehow the concept just hasn't quite sunk in. Sigh.

This was further substantiated later that week at my main elementary school. I stayed a bit later than usual, chatting with my kocho- and kyoto-senseis and some random teachers in the teachers' room. They started asking me about my musical training. I explained many US primary schools, and almost all middle schools, lacked mandatory music classes. They were horrified. Then, inspiration and clarity struck. Their faces lit up with comprehension. They gleefully announced....

"I see! You learned how to sing in church!"

...

Shoot me. Please.

I have also discovered that none of my schools have the foggiest notion that some Americans celebrate Hannukah, Kwanzaa, nothing, or any number of other holidays during this time of year. For convenience's sake I may just not hassle with explaining this. I feel it will probably go galloping down the same road of futility as my attempts to explain that I am not, never have been, and never will be a Christian. In Japan, being American has some very simple defining characteristics. Apparently, being Christian and a McDonald's addict are two of them. I'll get my revenge yet though for the hatahata and shirako torture; when I return here from the US, I got permission to have my middle schoolers taste-test American foods like ants-on-a-log, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and corn chips with jarred nacho cheese dip. Take THAT, Japan.

Nacho cheese in a jar. That's America's answer to natto, y'all.